michelles

So, I took this picture this morning. I am wearing my bf’s size 33 jeans and his sweater…granted, I couldn’t breathe while I had the jeans on but it felt good to even be able to put on his jeans

*deep breath*

I am making this post as a confession for myself. I need it.

The past 5 days…yes, 5 days, I have not counted one calorie or even exercised. I can try to fool myself in believing it was due to stress over meeting my bf’s son finally but deep down I know that is not anything but an excuse and it stops today, now. I did weigh this morning and the good news is I haven’t gained anything but the bad news is I haven’t lost anything either.

I am extremely disappointed in myself because I pride myself in being able to stay on plan 99% of the time. Today I am back on plan with a vengeance.

First of all the ever dreaded before picture from July 20, 2008 @ 330 pounds and in a size 28

Taken this morning. Weighed in at 186 today and in a size 14. Yes, I realize I need to iron the skirt and I should have smiled more but I hadn’t been awake long when I took the pic

I have been thinking about the past year and a half and my own weight loss journey. Quite a few times I have panicked and cried about “plateaus”. Then I pick apart the past year and a half and analyze my “plan” and what I see is at the beginning, though I wanted to lose weight, I really hadn’t committed myself 100%. I was “closet” eating each time my boyfriend left for work or went to bed or ran to do errands. I would immediately grab some high calorie/high fat foods and shovel them in like I was starving. That along with the fact that I wouldn’t log/track those foods, as if not tracking them meant they didn’t count..right? Wrong. Those things are the reasons that earlier in my journey, I struggled with the scale, watching it go up and down and up and down, like a friggin rollercoaster.

I use to find an excuse so many times for not working out consistently…it was that time of month or I didn’t get enough sleep or it was the anniversary of the day my husband, my momma, my daddy passed or I had a headache…excuse after excuse. But now that I do exercise on regular basis, I can really tell a difference in my body and I am generally in a better mood(except during stressful times) but even when I am stressed, depressed, mad, sad, etc..I still exercise. I refuse to punish myself anymore and that is what I was basically doing. I wasn’t hurting anyone else by not eating right or exercising..only myself.

I haven’t done those things in months and I am so proud to be able to post that today. I am so proud that when it comes to the battle with food and my mind, I can now win(99.99% of the time anyway, no one is perfect). I am proud that I can be honest with myself and I track everything I eat and drink, no matter how big or small. I am proud that today I am on track and on plan and I will always do my best to keep me there.

This is mostly just an accountablity post to myself.

This morning, already, for the first time in months I slipped off plan and ate 2 slices of cheese pizza. I am really upset with myself and almost got into the I give up mentality but I have come too far for that so I am making a deal with myself.

I will eat 1500 calories a day
1 will continue my 1.5 hours of cardio 5 times a week with 3 days of added full body w/s training
I will not even think about weighing myself until October 1st 2009 (it’s best for my sanity)
I will not give up on myself

One of the best sites I have found to utilize in my weight loss journey is

3 Fat Chicks on a Diet

If you ain’t a member, become one today! It’s free and you won’t regret it.

Look me up there, I am “Onederchic”

For my own benefit(mostly), I wanted to list all the changes I have made in the past year (yes, today marks a year exactly that I decided to change my life).

1. Stopped eating fast foods.
2. Stopped eating junk foods (with the exception of a handful of chips or fries on rare occasions).
3. Stopped smoking.
4. Started exercising.
5. My skin is no longer dry and flaky.
6. My hair is no longer dull.
7. I can breathe when I am walking now.
8. Before, I had these dark marks on my fingernails and toenails, all gone now.
9. I can see my feet when I look down without having to push on my belly.
10. My menstrual cycle is more regular and not as heavy now.
11. I no longer suffer with insomnia.
12. I no longer sleep walk.
13. My sleep apnea went bye bye.
14. I am not on medicines for high blood pressure any longer.
15. I don’t have ulcer troubles anymore.
16. I don’t suffer with acid reflux or heartburn anymore.
17. I moved from Tennessee to New York.
18. I went from a size 28 to now size 16 and even 14 at times.
19. I don’t wear 4 x shirts anymore, I can wear large.
20. I stopped drinking a 12 pack of soda everyday, now I have 2 diet sodas in a week.
21. I drink water now, lots of it when before I cringed from it.
22. I have lost, to date, 133 pounds.
23. I stopped wanting to die and now I am eager to live and be alive.

There’s more, I am sure but those stand out for me at the moment. I am pretty dang proud of these changes.

The end, lol.