michelles

*deep breath*

I am making this post as a confession for myself. I need it.

The past 5 days…yes, 5 days, I have not counted one calorie or even exercised. I can try to fool myself in believing it was due to stress over meeting my bf’s son finally but deep down I know that is not anything but an excuse and it stops today, now. I did weigh this morning and the good news is I haven’t gained anything but the bad news is I haven’t lost anything either.

I am extremely disappointed in myself because I pride myself in being able to stay on plan 99% of the time. Today I am back on plan with a vengeance.

First of all the ever dreaded before picture from July 20, 2008 @ 330 pounds and in a size 28

Taken this morning. Weighed in at 186 today and in a size 14. Yes, I realize I need to iron the skirt and I should have smiled more but I hadn’t been awake long when I took the pic

I have been thinking about the past year and a half and my own weight loss journey. Quite a few times I have panicked and cried about “plateaus”. Then I pick apart the past year and a half and analyze my “plan” and what I see is at the beginning, though I wanted to lose weight, I really hadn’t committed myself 100%. I was “closet” eating each time my boyfriend left for work or went to bed or ran to do errands. I would immediately grab some high calorie/high fat foods and shovel them in like I was starving. That along with the fact that I wouldn’t log/track those foods, as if not tracking them meant they didn’t count..right? Wrong. Those things are the reasons that earlier in my journey, I struggled with the scale, watching it go up and down and up and down, like a friggin rollercoaster.

I use to find an excuse so many times for not working out consistently…it was that time of month or I didn’t get enough sleep or it was the anniversary of the day my husband, my momma, my daddy passed or I had a headache…excuse after excuse. But now that I do exercise on regular basis, I can really tell a difference in my body and I am generally in a better mood(except during stressful times) but even when I am stressed, depressed, mad, sad, etc..I still exercise. I refuse to punish myself anymore and that is what I was basically doing. I wasn’t hurting anyone else by not eating right or exercising..only myself.

I haven’t done those things in months and I am so proud to be able to post that today. I am so proud that when it comes to the battle with food and my mind, I can now win(99.99% of the time anyway, no one is perfect). I am proud that I can be honest with myself and I track everything I eat and drink, no matter how big or small. I am proud that today I am on track and on plan and I will always do my best to keep me there.